ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
