it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
