after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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