I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
