i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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