I think I died a long time ago.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
