my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
