Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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