escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize