So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
