Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
