Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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