I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i came on her dog
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
