Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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