But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
