im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
