fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
