yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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