You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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