My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
