I want to have your abortion
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
