So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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