Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
