I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
