Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
