I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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