I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
