btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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