she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
