she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
