Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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