why didn't you poke me back
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize