So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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