I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
