He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Even my vagina gasped.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
