what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
