Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
