Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
