I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I cannot find my penis.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
A bitchslap is in order.
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