I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
