Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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