i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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