i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
