GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
