yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
