I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize