Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
