mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
