No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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