he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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