My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize