Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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