I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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