so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Success! We fucked roommates!
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