I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
