I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
