So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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