You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
