how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
