No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
