It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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