Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
