Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Someone shattered a urinal.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
