RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
