batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
