is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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