If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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