Just fell off a train. Bad.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
