chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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