is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
