im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
