I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
