it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
