Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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